New Edition: Airline Crew Cartoon Anthology.

Here’s your new edition, behind-the-scenes airline view from the flight crew perspective. Think you know about crewlife and air travel? Want to impress your crew on your next flight? Need the perfect gift for that flight attendant or airline pilot in your life?

Get your signed copy (US only) for only $7.99 + $1 S&H.

Just CLICK HERE.

Outside the US, shop Amazon.com —CLICK HERE.

This new 2018 edition has 90 pages of wicked new airline crew cartoons …

And many from the perspective of air travelers …

If you’re in the airline industry, or are even considering the air travel career field …

This cartoon collection is a must-have!

Get your limited-edition signed copy–just order through the links above. Get an airline keepsake for yourself or others, while they last!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Flying Out of DFW Airport: 4 Insider Tips.

Summer travel can be a challenge, especially by air. If you fly in or out of DFW Airport, here are some insider tips that can ease your air travel.

#1. Parking: There’s discounted parking available at your departure terminal. For details,  click here.  You can save up to 50% on parking within steps of your departure gate.

But there’s more parking strategy to consider: what airline are you flying? If you’re flying any airline other than American Airlines, it makes sense to park at the specific terminal designated for that airline.

But if you’re flying American, you may possibly depart and arrive from several different terminals. So, the best bet for you is to park in Terminal D, for several reasons. First, Terminal D has both the largest garage and the largest security screening checkpoints in the entire airport. This means less waiting for both.

Park on the fourth floor of the Terminal D parking garage, because the fifth floor is the first that auto traffic encounters and so it tends to be crowded. The third floor is mostly one hour parking, so park on the fourth floor near the center, near the elevators. Then, if it’s raining, take the elevator to the bottom floor and walk across to the terminal under the covered walkway. If weather permits, cross at the third floor sky bridge directly to the ticket counters and security checkpoint.

No matter which terminal your flight departs from, Terminal D is a quick Skylink train ride to or, upon your return, from your gate.

And don’t even bother trying to park in Terminal C–it’s the smallest, most crowded parking garage and typically has very few open spaces. If you’re departing from Terminal C, park in A or E–they’re both just one quick Skylink stop from Terminal C.

2. Security Screening: I mentioned that Terminal D has the largest security checkpoints, so that will cut your waiting time. But you can do more to speed your way through the required security screening. You can register for TSA PreCheck or Global Entry, but I recommend the latter: Global Entry will speed you through US Customs, and it includes TSA PreCheck for the same fee, whereas TSA PreCheck does not include expedited Customs clearance. Get the “twofer.”

Also, when it’s working, the TSA website can tell you which terminal screening checkpoint has the longest and shortest waiting times. Here’s a link to the TSA website for information about wait times for your airport. When you arrive at DFW Airport, see which terminal has the shortest wait time and avoid the crowd.

3. Food: Here’s the inside story on DFW concessions. First, Terminal D has the most upscale and highest priced food options. Terminal C is the smallest and least renovated terminals and has the most crowded (read: slowest) options. Finally, in my opinion, the best terminal food options are in Terminals A and E.

My fave is E, because it’s less crowded (I normally park there for that reason too) and has great food options–including the best breakfast at DFW Airport, iHop:

Terminal A also has many reasonably priced food options, including La Madeline, California Pizza Kitchen, Qdoba, and Salt Lick Barbecue. And I confess: I’m partial to the 7-Eleven hotdogs in Terminals A, D, and E.

4. Flight information: The best way to stay current on your flight information (gates, times, baggage claim) is through the smart phone app for your airline. DFW Airport has information screens throughout the terminals but the apps on your phone are at your fingertips. So, install the app and enable “push” notifications so the latest pertinent info will appear on your phone. But when all else fails, simply Google your Airline and flight number for the latest info:

So, if you’re flying out of DFW Airport, book and pre-pay your terminal parking at a significant discount using the link above. Choose the least crowded TSA security checkpoint by consulting the link above. Use the Skylink to speed between terminals and the DFW Airport app to find restaurants that meet your preferences.

Finally, use your airline’s app to receive the latest flight info but if you’re in a rush, simply Google your airline/flight number (example above–I searched for AAL 2572) to find your most current flight information.

That’s it. save yourself time, effort and money using the four tips above, and have a great flight out of DFW Airport.

————————————————–

Think you understand #crewlife? Want to impress the stews on your next flight? Share this irreverent, insider #cartoon book with them.

From #AmazonBooks: tinyurl.com/gtk2jyw

——————————————–

Air Travel Delays: “Mechanical Issues”

“Mechanical issues” may sound like a catch-all for airline delays or, to anxious flyers, a mysterious, perhaps worrisome possibility. But it’s neither, and here’s why.

First, you have to understand two main concepts: airliners are complex mechanical wonders, and second, their maintenance and operation is very strictly and minutely regulated–and documented. This second point is essential to the aviation regulatory standard upheld by all major airlines, even though such detail must be correctly, diligently accomplished. That takes time. So, let’s walk through the possibilities.

When you board an airliner, preflight checks are ongoing. This is especially true if the aircraft has just arrived from another station (airport). As soon as the flight completion checklists are accomplished, the preflight process begins anew by the crew. To waste no time, this preflight inspection goes on even as arriving passengers deplane and departing passengers board.

The checks ensure that all operating systems on the aircraft are up to the very specific standard set by the aviation regulatory agency that oversees commercial flight operations. In the United States, that’s the Federal Aviation Administration (FAA).

Every system on that aircraft has an operational standard to determine if the aircraft is airworthy, and the jet does not move until those requirements are satisfied, right down to individual light bulbs.

Let’s look at that example: a light bulb.

If a pilot on an exterior preflight notices say, a landing light that is not working, this fact is immediately recorded in the aircraft logbook and the airline’s maintenance center is notified. The airline maintenance center will refer to the FAA specified “Minimum Equipment List” (MEL) for that particular aircraft.

Without straying too deeply into the very complex decision tree of the MEL, there are three possible outcomes for the noted discrepancy (a landing light is inoperative). First, the landing light may be replaced, tested and certified by an FAA licensed and approved aircraft maintenance technician.

Second, the item may be specified by the FAA-approved MEL as non-essential for flight under specified conditions. For example, if the aircraft is about to depart for a destination to land in daylight, the MEL may allow the flight to depart, with proper logbook documentation of the exception.

Third, the MEL may allow for a redundant system to compensate for the component. If the inoperative bulb was a wingtip position light, the MEL may allow the flight to operate with the remaining position light–if the aircraft has two and only one is required (that’s why the aircraft designer put two bulbs there in the first place).

This is the same with all aircraft systems: if there are redundant systems approved by the FAA MEL, the flight may be approved for flight with that waiver to use the backup system, once the discrepancy and waiver are properly documented in the aircraft logbook.

Of course, some essential systems have no redundancy. In those cases, prescribed repairs must be made by FAA-certified mechanics (example: a tire at the prescribed wear limit must be replaced). The discrepancy, repair and results must be properly documented before the aircraft moves.

And there are “consumables.” For example, on my flight last night, when we were doing our “Before Landing Checklist,” we noted that the engine oil quantity was at the prescribed “refill” level. That, like all aircraft specifications, is a very conservative number. It’s as if you were driving your car down the highway and noted that you had just above a half a tank of gas.

You’d turn to your passengers and say, “The MEL says we must always have more than a half a tank of gas, so we’re going to exit the freeway and refuel now.”

In flight, I sent a data-linked message to our technical operations center noting the requirement for oil service before the next flight, which I also wrote in the aircraft’s paper logbook.

Our tech folks coordinated with the mechanics at our destination to have the oil ready and a certified mechanic to perform the refill. That’s quick and easy at one of our hub airports, because we have mechanics on staff there.

At smaller stations, airlines rely of FAA-licensed mechanics approved for contract mechanical work on specified aircraft. Of course, most airlines have access to normal consumables like oil or tires, but no one has every part on every aircraft stocked at every station.

If the required item is not in stock, it must be brought in, either from nearby (example: an airline’s LAX station may have an item needed for a flight out of Ontario Airport; staff can simply drive the part from Los Angeles International to Ontario). Other parts may be flown in on the next aircraft from the hub to the smaller station.

But either way, before the aircraft flies again, the prescribed maintenance procedure must be accomplished in accordance with FAA regulations and everything must be documented.

Most major airlines have this process streamlined for efficiency, like when I sent the data-linked message to prepare the arrival station for the required oil service. This was accomplished between flights with no delay. The certified mechanic noted the refill quantity and manufacturer’s details in the aircraft logbook as well as in the computerized records maintained at our airline technical headquarters.

But sometimes a procedure may take longer just by the normal time the process requires (changing a tire will take longer than changing a light bulb). Finally, the availability of mechanics at a given hour may add more time to the required procedure.

In all cases, the aircraft records must be meticulously documented, which takes time as well: approvals must be granted, remedial actions certified, and everything recorded both in the aircraft on-board paper logbook as well as the aircraft records at the airline’s technical center.

That takes time.

If the delay is predicted to be too long, we might be assigned another aircraft for the flight, which also takes time: passengers, cargo, baggage, and catering must be transferred to the new aircraft. So, if you’re waiting on board during a maintenance delay, it’s probably because swapping aircraft would take longer, or there isn’t another aircraft available.

To summarize, airliners today are complex machines with multiple parts and systems, all of which have MEL specified operating minimums. Not all replacement items are available system-wide, and and even where mechanics are immediately available, remedial processes can take time.

The “mechanical delay” we experience is due to the airlines’ unwavering adherence to very specific FAA standards.

The good news is, that’s why air travel on major airlines is as reliably safe as it is.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fear of Flying: Turbulence In Perspective.

It’s not unusual today to hear about travelers who fear air travel for a variety of good reasons. Fortunately, there’s help dealing with such fears readily available on social media in the form of special interest groups.

There are several Facebook groups centered around “fear of flying,” but here’s the best  one I’ve found:

In this group, we (I am a member) in a closed forum for everyone’s privacy, using real names, share techniques and experiences that have helped many of our  members successfully get airborne on an airline trip that they’d previously felt was out of their reach. To join, click here and request access–it’s free.

My role there, besides providing cartoons of questionable taste,

is to share what I’ve learned in 40 years as a professional pilot: 7 years USAF pilot, 33 years American Airlines pilot, 26+ as captain. I truly believe that much of the anxiety that comprises fear of flying can be attributed to fear of the unknown. Here, and on this Facebook page, we bust the myths and fill in the blanks to empower air travelers so that they can embark on a trip with family and friends with quiet confidence.

Here’s one of the most frequently discussed anxiety-producing flight effects we’ve discussed there recently:

Turbulence in flight: is it dangerous? The answer: no. Annoying maybe, startling probably–but not dangerous. The fact is, just like any fluid–the ocean, a river, a lake–the air has eddies and currents that change with velocity (both the fluid and the vessel) which may result in bumpiness.

But, your aircraft is designed with more than enough strength to handle any      turbulence.  Without getting lost in the mathematical and engineering jungle, here’s a thumbnail design sketch. Aircraft manufacturers were given design standards to meet that basically derived a “load[1]” limit the aircraft must withstand in normal flight. To that they added a generous margin and called that the “limit load factor:” the aircraft must withstand this force without suffering any damage or distortion of the structure or flight controls. To that increased margin they again added an additional percentage of force the jet must be able to sustain without experiencing structural failure and that is called the ultimate load factor.

To put limit and ultimate load factors into perspective, those forces are beyond that ever experienced by an airliner in flight and quite frankly, approach the limits of human ability to tolerate such forces. In other words, the strength envelope is way beyond the endurance of our “2 mile per hour man.” That means your remarkable aircraft is built to superhuman strength standards and will tolerate external forces in flight and even on landing that will protect you well beyond any forces you could possibly encounter in flight.

The next tier of wonder is how aircraft designers maintain Sherman-tank strength standards in a vehicle light enough to fly not only smoothly but also economically and in of thrust required to sustain flight, efficiently. This is achieved through the ongoing evolution of composite materials that are lightweight but even stronger than older, heavier metals, and advanced engine technology that has produced powerful, lightweight and efficient engines.

This is once again part of the “aviation learning curve” that is the driving force behind commercial aviation: new technology, advanced materials both metal and composite, that are lighter and stronger than in decades past.

Aircraft manufacturers continue to improve designs, producing safer, stronger, more efficient airliners year over year. I’m often asked my preference between the two largest commercial airliner aircraft manufacturers, Boeing and Airbus. I honestly believe both manufacturers produce outstanding, safe, and capable airliners, though I’m a lifelong Boeing pilot at heart. That said, one of the most capable and naturally talented airline pilots I know—my son—flies an Airbus. They’re both great aircraft.

Me hitching a ride in my son’s Airbus 320 cockpit as he flew us to O’Hare.

That’s the kind of real-world, insider info and firsthand experience we share in this Facebook group. Join us, if you’d like to learn and share.

Also, I wrote this book for the group and periodically, reduce the Kindle price to zero for a few days so everyone in the group can get the book free:

In this book, I walk you through a normal flight after providing you with a realm of behind-the-scenes experience in the airline pilot world. You can get a copy HERE, or just join the group and wait for the freebie offer.

Either way, if your travel options are limited by fear of flying–yours or a travel partners–just know there are assets available that will get you safely and confidently into the air. The choice is yours.

[1] In laymen’s terms, “load factor” refers to the number of G’s, or the force of gravity, the aircraft must be able to tolerate.

 

Fear of Flying: Free Kindle March 25-26

If you are a victim of fear of flying, either directly (you are fearful) or indirectly (a friend or loved one won’t fly), here’s a resource, free:

Cockpit insight, practical coping strategies, explanations and … cartoons!

Get your FREE Kindle copy–CLICK HERE.

Airsickness: Here’s Help.

If you are susceptible to air sickness, don’t feel like the Lone Ranger: I’ve been flying jets as a pilot for nearly 40 years and I can honestly say I’ve been there. Add to that, there’s really nothing worse than being trapped in a jet, needing to heave.

But here’s the thing. There are steps you can take to minimize your vulnerability to air sickness in flight.

First, preflight:

1. Be physically ready: Your physical condition matters, including nutrition, rest and hydration leading up to your flight. A late night of recreation–especially one that engenders a hangover–before a morning flight will leave you sleep deprived and feeling poorly to start with. Lack of sleep will lower your resistance to the physical stresses of flying like dehydration (the humidity in the average airline cabin in flight is 1-2%), vibration, and vestibular effects like roll, yaw and pitch. So: be rested, hydrated and have nutrition taken care of BEFORE you board.
2. Choose your seat wisely: Pilots know that the aircraft pivots around its aerodynamic center of gravity. So, just as the hub of a bicycle tire moves less drastically than the outer edge of the spokes, points on the aircraft nearest the center of gravity move the least.

The aircraft pivots in pitch and roll around the center of gravity: sit over the wing for the smoothest ride with the least motion.

That means a seat over the wing will be the most stable, the least affected by the motions of yaw, pitch and roll. By contrast, what feels like a little motion over the wings is felt in the nose and tail much more strongly. Reserve a seat near the wings: ask a reservations agent (might cost you) or check the aircraft diagram on line.

Inflight:

3. Medication: Check with your your primary care physician for any medication that would meet your needs: OTC Dramamine, for example, if recommended by your doctor. Be sure to take all recommended medication BEFORE the flight.

4. Stay hydrated: bring your own water on board. Buy a bottle, or refill a refillable bottle in the terminal once you’re past security screening. DO NOT count on an in-flight water service because of factors such as delays or turbulence that can prevent access to hydration–be responsible for yourself and bring water.

Turbulence from weather far away may affect your flight even when well clear of storms.

5. Booze: Refrain from alcohol in flight: the effects of some alcohol include dehydration and some side effects on your sense of balance.  Avoid heavy meals before and during flight–they only add to the volume of stomach contents that can be disturbed by turbulence, pitch, yaw and roll.

6. Entertainment: some flyers who are subject to motion sickness have told me that reading a book makes things worse because their eyes pick up the motions of flight (including choppy air) and add to the vestibular upset caused by the sensations of flight. Others suggest headphones to listen to soothing music, others suggest the distraction of a movie either on a personal device or via an aircraft system. What works for you? Experiment, bring music, a digital movie or TV show.

7. Fly early: not only is the air smoother before daylight begins to heat the air and cause disturbances, traffic is lighter and delays less frequent. Beat rush hour–fly before 10am if you can.

Air sickness is no fun and for some people, a vulnerability they can not avoid. But if you pay attention to the suggestions above, you can minimize the effects of of flight motion and maximize the tolerability of your flight.

Bon Voyage–

Get the airline cartoon book: the full collection of insider airline cartoons.

$7.99 from Amazon Books: click here.

Air Travel Delays: My Top 3 Cause Factors

Look, I get it: I sit in both ends of the jet for some very long delays. My last two turnarounds were planned for 7 hours but turned into 8.5 and 9.1 respectively. That made my pilot duty day, with preflight and ground turnaround time, over 12 hours.

Me deadheading in the very last row of coach, carefully not man-spreading and conceding the armrest to the middle seat passenger (basic air travel etiquette, BTW)

We waited over an hour for takeoff, then had additional holding in the air before landing at Philadelphia International Airport.

I’d deadheaded up to Philly to fly the jet back to DFW Airport but the result of the Air Traffic Control delays getting the jet off the ground in DFW and enroute to Philadelphia made our Philly-DFW flight well over an hour late into DFW.

That caused many passenger misconnects once we arrived at DFW after yet another round of airborne holding for nearly an hour. My flight plan from Philadelphia to DFW called for a flight time of 3:27 but with holding, the actual flight time became 4:30.

That’s due to storms moving through the north Texas area faster and more southerly than predicted, constricting air traffic routes into DFW. So, we were delayed by ATC for an hour holding over a fix southeast of the airport after an enroute course refile to avoid weather.

I ain’t complaining, but I got home at 2am instead of 11pm. That’s my job and I did it correctly and safely for all 167 folks on board.

But that’s not the big picture. What’s driving ever-increasing air travel delays? Here’s my Top 3 Factors.

1. Increased traffic volume. According to the DOT Bureau of Aircraft Statistics, airline departures have increased 5-7% annually since 2010. That means more aircraft crammed into exactly the same airspace, which means traffic flow abatement is ever-more necessary and unfortunately, more present: ground stops abound; inflight holding is often unavoidable even after enduring a ground stop.
2. Weather predictive delays: the National Weather Service provides more and better predictive weather products that the FAA Air Traffic Control Center (ARTC) attempts to integrate into their traffic management constraints. In theory, this is a good thing but in practice, I question the effectiveness: air traffic is often preemptively ground-stopped or re-routed based on weather predictions, which aren’t always accurate (see above), meanwhile, air traffic then must be re-routed from the ARTC re-routes.

The storms often do not conform to the FAA predicted movement, causing yet another layer of reroutes and delays.

3. Airline “banking” (the grouping of inbound-outbound flight exchanges at hub airports) cannot handle the disruption of hours-long delays: when one complex or “bank” of flights is delayed outbound, there’s nowhere to park and deplane the next complex. This leads to individual airline-imposed ground stops: your flight will not be pushed off from your origin airport gate until there’s a reasonable expectation of gate availability at your arrival hub. This is to avoid the old “sitting on a tarmac with toilets overflowing waiting for a gate” urban legends that engendered the Passenger Bill of Rights.

Given the ubiquitous eye of cellphone video and social media, passengers can count on more origin airport outbound delays: major carriers will always defer to the Passenger Bill of Rights, allowing you to deplane at will at the departure station rather than sit on board at your destination, trapped for hours waiting for a gate at a weather-affected hub while ranting on social media.

There are other factors creating and lengthening delays, like an industry-wide shortage of qualified airline pilots and airline planners who over-optimistically schedule aircraft, crews and connections.

But from a pilot viewpoint, the big three above seem to be what I most frequently encounter. So, in addition to packing your own food and water in your carry-ons, be sure to arrive at your departure airport with a plentiful supply of patience. This summer, you’ll need it it more than ever.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Get the entire insider airline cartoon collection

from Amazon Books for $7.99.

It’ll make your delay more enjoyable. Just click here.

 

Airborne Holding Pattern–Why Isn’t The Pilot Talking To Us?

I get it: flight delays are frustrating for passengers. A hundred sixty-some people want information, they want time estimates. They have connections to make, events scheduled–and for whatever reason, the flight is late.

Two scenarios determine what I can do. On the ground? Easy: brakes parked, we wait. I give updates at least every 30 minutes on the ground, usually more often. We’re not moving, we’re not burning fuel–I have plenty of time and attention to give passengers. Here’s me in that situation:

Sitting, waiting patiently, giving timely explanations over the PA. But in the air, it’s a different story. We’re burning fuel, which is literally eating away at the time we can stay aloft. We’re in a flow of traffic, meaning we have jets both ahead and behind us on our route and we have speed and altitude constraints: can’t speed up because we’ll close on the aircraft ahead of us (“Can we make up time in the air?” Probably not, and that’s why). We have ever-changing weather both along our route and at our destination and our alternates. When we’re sent to a holding pattern, here’s me:

I’m conducting a multi-piece orchestra that includes Air Traffic Control, flight dispatch, and our jet to include route, fuel burn, alternates, alternate weather, enroute weather, holding pattern both position and altitude (as we go lower, the fuel burn increases and thus our range and endurance decreases), and the aircraft ahead of and behind us in holding, which is in reality above and below us.

Now is not a good time to tap the conductor on the shoulder and ask, “Are we there yet?”

I can’t say what other major carriers do, but on American Airlines flights, your cockpit crew has the latest greatest technology to provide real-time information and communication. The airline has always been a leader in advanced flight deck technology (first to have both comprehensive terrain warning and windshear predictive weather avoidance guidance) and in the last year, has added live-streamed WSI animated weather radar to the cockpit assets:

Virtually at my fingertips is the combined radar, turbulence warnings, severe weather depictions, storm tops, and direction of movement, in real-time, animated, thanks to dedicated flight deck WIFI. We already had one of the most advanced radars ever built on our aircraft, which gives details out as far as 300 miles (I find it most useful at 160 mile range), but now we can look two hours down our route, see what’s developing and if prudent, request a different route clearance to keep the ride smooth and efficient.

In the terminal area, on board radar does an excellent job of tuning itself and, because it has GPS positioning, it screens out terrain features that might appear as false weather echoes.

Once assigned holding, our cockpit workload includes the pattern itself (we always ask for longer legs to limit turns that burn gas and aren’t as comfortable for passengers. We’re given an Expected Further Clearance time (EFC on the display below):

So we can begin the fuel calculations to determine how long we can hold before we must divert. Here’s a definition for you: Bingo Fuel is the minimum total fuel we can have before we must either proceed to our destination or divert. For example only, let’s say 5,000 pounds of fuel is what we want to be on the deck with.

To determine Bingo Fuel, we start with the total we must have on the ground at either our destination or our divert alternate. Add to that the amount of fuel it takes to get to your alternate, which is a different amount from that which would be burned if you diverted from the holding pattern rather than from an approach at your destination.

My airline has instantaneous navigation and fuel computations at our fingertips:

Here is the fuel I’ll land with if I divert to Philadelphia, leaving holding now (the “D” after KPHL means “directly from holding”) which is 13.2 (13,200 pounds of fuel). Subtract 5.0 Bingo Fuel and that leaves 8,000 pounds available until we either have to land at our destination or alternate. Why is JFK arrival fuel less when it’s actually closer to our destination Newark? Because we’re holding well south of New York, so Philly is closer.

But there’s more to consider. What’s going on at Philly? Once again, our state-of-the-art cockpit resources have instant answers:

A touch of the screen brings up current conditions at our destination and alternate. But there’s still another fuel consideration: how do I preserve Bingo Fuel after leaving holding and flying to the destination and completing the approach–then diverting? That number will be different depending on where you’re holding in relation to your destination, plus where your alternate is in relation to your destination. That’s signified by the “M” after the airfield, instantly calculated by our nav system:

Of course, that number will be more restrictive because of the fuel burn required from our holding pattern location and our destination. The two figures (M and D) must be constantly monitored to be sure the M option is even possible, but there’s a catch: as you descend in the holding pattern, fuel burn will increase–and all of those fuel figures will change.

So, the conductor (captain) is sorting constantly changing data streams and at the same time, communicating with Air Traffic Control and Flight Dispatch but there’s a third stream that’s complex and must also be tacitly monitored: what are other jets doing? If those ahead of us get a further delay, we know we will too. If someone diverts, where are they going, because if too many go to that airport, there may be further holding.

What’s the ever-changing weather doing at our selected alternates and if needed (fairly typical), let’s set up numbers and weather for another divert alternate. Can we extend our holding based on the proximity of another suitable alternate?

What approach are they using in real-time at both our destination and our alternate, and what is happening in real-time at our destination? If we can split our attention seven ways (Air Traffic Control, Dispatch, weather, fuel burn, destination and alternate weather), we can monitor the destination approach control frequency and see how long the final pattern (think: fuel burn) is so as to determine a more realistic enroute and approach burn to preserve the ironclad Bingo number.

Given all of that information coming in, communications going out, calculations being done and ever-changing, plus flying the 70 ton jet smartly, safely and efficiently–this is not a good time to tap the conductor on the shoulder and ask, “are we there yet?”

I’ll make a PA when we’re released from holding, or if we divert. But now that you are aware of what’s actually happening during a very routine airborne holding pattern, you can understand why I barely have time to drink my already cold airplane coffee, much less talk on the PA. We have the absolute best inflight equipment in the airline industry and the tightest, most consistent crew coordination in the world, so now is the time to let us work for you.

Rest assured that we’re doing everything humanly possible to get you safely to our destination.

 

 

 

Let Me Put YOU in the Airliner Cockpit.

Ever thought about a day as an airline captain? Want to fill in the blanks regarding what goes on in the captain’s head once the cockpit door is closed? Here’s your own personal captain’s vision through my eyes.

First off, The Cloak of Invisibility: I just want to make it through the airport terminal unnoticed. I try to stay clearheaded, unhassled. All I want to do is A) find the jet on the gate (not delayed or worse) and B) See the route of flight and planned fuel load. Ain’t my first rodeo–I can get a pretty good feel for weather, winds, fuel and time.

I can (and do) upload the flight plan data to both my phone and my iPad. If you see me at the gate scrolling through my phone rather than re-booking you (I can’t do that, I don’t have the ticket agent super-powers nor access to the computer reservation system, but I know you’ll ask anyway) I’m determining the planned fuel over destination and if I feel that the total is adequate, I’ll electronically accept the fuel load with a tap on my phone screen. If not, another tap speed-dials Flight Dispatch and I’ll have fuel added to our jet.

The good folks at Dispatch are always super helpful and as captain, just like with Crew Schedule, the ramp crew and Aircraft Maintenance, it’s so very important to invest in courtesy and gratitude in all interactions. They all work behind the scenes for us and the smart captain wants his support team happy. The least you can do is be self-effacing and respectful: “Hi, this is Chris, captain on 228 to Seattle … thank you very much.” It’s how you should treat people who work for you. Never argue with anyone: you’re the captain, so you’ve already won. It costs you nothing to be supportive and appreciative. See why I want to stay unhassled?

Okay, we all have our weaknesses. One of mine might be the 7-Eleven dog. Don’t judge, and even if you do, realize I in the pointy end won’t be dealing with hunger pangs somewhere over Idaho on our nearly four hour cruise to Seattle. You?

I try to stay out of everyone’s hair once I’m in the cockpit. I show up, stow my gear (hate it when FOs have extra bags and crap piled everywhere–especially behind my seat) and fire up the dual GFMS systems, letting the inertial reference gizmos negotiate WTF we are with the satellite widgets while I set the instrument panel and display lights, the comm panel audio switches on my side, and plug in my headset; adjust the seat height, crank in full lumbar support, take out any thigh pad adjustment.

Next, the iPad: type in the flight number and it reaches into cyberspace to upload the flight plan and take-off performance plan. Save those–and verify the fuel load actually in the tanks matches what you need. If not, another speed dial to dispatch.

The WSI iPad weather display sets up the same way–just type in the flight number and it draws the line on the map, puts in the waypoints, adds the radar animation, turbulence display, and significant weather warnings. In flight, the cockpit WIFI will keep the map updated with the most current weather radar and warnings.

By now the #1 flight attendant (or the #3, depending on who’s not busy) will poke a head into the cockpit. Introduce yourself, tell them to let you know if they need anything. They’re probably in the middle of boarding, so leave them to that.

When the First Officer starts playing with an iPhone, you can bet there’s nothing else to be done on the right side. So, perfect time to check the route. The clearance has auto-uploaded from the FAA to our comm display as well as to our route in our nav system. Now, you read each point off the Flight Management Computer screen and the FO crosschecks against the iPad uploaded flight plan. That’s it–you’re ready to fly.

When you notice cargo door warning lights winking out, you know the ground crew is about done. Boarding noises taper off about the same time. Like the monkey said when his tail got caught in the fan, “It won’t be long now.” Reach up and flip on the seatbelt sign. When you do, 9 out of 10 FOs will start reading the “Before Starting Checklist.” Good. Take your time. You’re not paid to rush and in fact, you’re paid to not rush, right? Sometimes you have to remind others of that.

An agent will step into the cockpit, tell you how many “souls on board,” plus a count of live animals (if any, you immediately say, “That’s me.”) in the cargo compartment, followed by, “Okay to close the door?” The answer is twofold: “Heck yeah” and “thanks.”

The ground crew will call you eventually, once everything’s buttoned up downstairs. You release the brakes and tell the Crew Chief to stand-by, then call for the “Just Prior to Engine Start” checklist. Blessedly quiet, it is, with the cockpit door sealed shut and just the ground crew’s voice in the interphone. The FO will call for pushback clearance and when he gets it, you pass it to the ground crew: “Brakes released, cleared to push.”

Then we’re underway, creeping backwards. “Cleared to start the ground guy says once we are clear. The FO kills the packs–we need the air to turn the CFM-56 engines. You notice that in back? “Turn number two” you give the order.

Engine number one follows once the brakes are parked and ground crew has cleared the area. They give you a salute which you return. Then it’s time to taxi. Love that part: two fists full of thrust and tons of jet fuel, turned loose with complete authority and freedom to fly.

Taxi-out is a methodical, orderly set of hurdles: you need the printout of the current weight, match that with the planned and the actual, confirm everything matches up.

Eyeballs out, while in motion, because there are other megaton jets in the aluminum conga line, ahead of you, behind you, and crossing your nose. Heads up.

All final checks done, know and say out loud for the FO the field elevation, the minimum safe altitude, the initial assigned altitude, and your emergency return plan (usually, a left downwind because I can see left turns best from the left seat, right?) and the N1 one target RPM.

When you finally roll onto the runway, there’s a moment of peace: all we have to do now is fly. Don’t tell the airline, but that’s what we love to do anyway. Cleared for takeoff, exterior lights on, hack the elapsed time display, release the brakes.

Let’s rock.

Airline Crew Confidential

It was inevitable: 80 pages of wicked, insider crew-view airline cartoons:

Passengers, impress your crew–share the cartoons with them. It’s secret insider stuff, like:

And many more. Get yours from Amazon.com for $7.99. Just click here.

If you’re  flightcrew: you NEED this. If you’re a newhire flight attendant on my crew, I’m giving you one as my way of saying welcome, and thanks for all you do.

Enjoy!